i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
