Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
