if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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