it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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