I want to have your abortion
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She even gives head with a lisp.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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