Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
