chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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