Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
