im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
