get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
