The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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