You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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