dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Mom said you looked used
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
