My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
