So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
