I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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