if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
