I can text with my tongue
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
