If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
we should paint friendship bongs
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