I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
