remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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