I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
