Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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