life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
