Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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