Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
