hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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