Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
