Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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