Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
