You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
