Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
