Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
