can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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