i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
