THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
