i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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