Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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