All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
