Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i dont even know how to be here
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
