Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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