Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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