He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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