I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
smell my finger.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
