winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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