turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
