She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
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