Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
