The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
