Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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