I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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